Chat and catch and additional needs: FAQs

8 December 2023

What might it be helpful to know about chat and catch - connecting with God in prayer - for children and young people with additional needs?

God, who made us all and knows us all intimately, is able to communicate with everyone of us in ways that work for us. But as parents and carers, we may have questions about how to support a child or young person in chatting and catching with God if they have additional needs. Here are some questions we have been asked together with some answers shaped by some friends of Parenting for Faith, Kay Morgan-Gurr, Mark Arnold and Naomi Graham.

How will I recognise when my child is chatting to or connecting with God?

As parents we are very used to monitoring what our children do. We make sure they do their homework and check they have brushed their teeth, and it can be tempting to be just as vigilant when it comes to their connection with God. However, it’s not always easy to spot when a child is connecting, particularly if they are non-verbal. But you know your child well, and you may find that you can spot something they are doing in response to God. This may be moving in a particular way when they hear a worship song, being particularly calm or noisy, or having a theme to their play. Don’t worry too much! Continue to model chat, framing it for them too; provide whatever support you think they need, and experiment with providing different environments. Then let them and God do the rest. You may know or you may not, but you can depend on the God who created your child and who knows them intimately to be able to sort out communication with them.

For just one story of a non-verbal child connecting with God, see this Facebook post. Jonathan Bryant also has some amazing insights about how God connects with him.

How can my child chat to God when they can’t talk?

The word ‘chat’ is used in Parenting for Faith to describe the sort of heart-to-heart, ongoing conversation we’d love our children to have with God. However, very often chat isn’t verbal. Many adults pray without words – for example, by journalling, through worship, by expressing their emotion, by drawing or doodling, or by silent meditation. However your child communicates, they can use this to chat to God. You can facilitate children’s chat by providing stimuli, such as pictures for them to choose, teaching them signs, leaving out pencils and paper, or providing objects that help direct attention to God.

For more about this see here.

How can I encourage my child to chat to God, whatever that looks like for them?

The most natural way children learn is by watching and copying those around you. If you are able to model chat as you go about your everyday life, you will be giving your child a glimpse into what an ongoing conversation with God looks like. If they use things to help them communicate like picture cards, you could model chat to them using whatever they would use. You can also build in some steps to encourage your child to chat. Some children benefit from a routine; if that is the case for your child, could chat happen at a particular time, on a particular day or in a set order? Might a visual timetable or a special song be helpful? Some children might enjoy having their own particular place to chat to God, such as a small pop-up tent, a den made out of blankets and a clothes dryer, or behind the sofa.

There are some helpful ideas to get younger children started with chat here, and this video explores how we can weave God-connection into whatever our day looks like.

How can I step out from being the high priest for my child when they need support to do everything?

Stepping out of the role of high priest doesn’t mean that we need to leave a child alone to chat to God – it simply means that we facilitate their chatting and don’t do it for them. So you might sit by your child as they connect, talk to them about what they’d like to chat to God about or guide their hand to a picture they want to hold – but then you leave them and God to get on with it. God is wonderfully faithful and has promised to connect with each one of us, and the particular way we are made or wired is no barrier to him! In this video Mark describes how he and his son ‘do’ prayers together, with James definitely doing the bits he wants to (skip to 3.28).

How can I tell if my child is catching from God?

If your child is non-verbal or has profound disabilities, it may be difficult to know whether they are catching from God. However, you are the expert on your child, so you may notice a response in your child that might be the result of their catching from God. They might seem particularly peaceful or joyful, for example. Or you may notice that your child is doing something that they normally do, but there is a different pattern or intensity about it. In this video, a children’s pastor talks about the time they recognised God was speaking to the younger children through their drawings even though the children didn’t recognise that. It may also be helpful to remember that when we catch from God, it very often doesn’t include words: we may feel an emotion or simply feel different. However, because the communication is just between God and your child, you may never know. It would be nice to be sure that God is speaking to your child, but it isn’t essential.

Naomi Graham has a really helpful chapter in her book Love Surpassing Knowledge (River Publishing and Media, 2018) that explores the many ways we ‘hear’ God’s voice which explores more fully some of these ideas.

If my child is non-verbal or has cognitive needs, how will they be able to catch from God?

It can be helpful to recognise how we can ‘catch’ communication from others and so also from God through all our senses. A comforting hug needs no explanation or words to communicate the message ‘I love you’. In John 10, Jesus likens himself to a shepherd whose sheep follow him because they know his voice. But the sheep would also have recognised his smell, been familiar with his movements, known his shape as he approached them from afar, and been able to identify his touch. As Naomi says:

God can speak to us through what we see, hear, smell, taste, touch, how we move and what we sense within our bodies. That is such good news! I love that God has created us in this way, because it means we don’t have to understand cognitively in order to hear and respond to God’s voice… we can simply experience the love that surpasses knowledge.

Love Surpassing Knowledge (River Publishing and Media, 2018), p. 53

And just as we tailor our communication to the hearer – murmuring gentle nothings to a tiny baby as we gently stroke their face, but screeching our encouragement to the swimmer challenging for first place – so God tailors his communication to us, depending on our needs and our understanding. There is a story here from a mum about her non-verbal son caught from God for her using YouTube.

How can I help them catch from God if I can’t explain it to them?

This session of the course is all about helping our children be as ready as they can to recognise and hear God speaking to them. So if your child is cognitively able, you can share the different ways we can ‘hear’ from God. But we don’t need to teach people about catch in order for them to catch God’s heart for them. Imagine a tiny baby in the arms of her father. The baby has no idea that her dad wants to speak to her; she’s not readied herself to listen and understand, yet when he does speak, the baby instinctively knows the voice and is comforted by the tone. Just like that baby, we don’t need to know what ‘catch’ is or how to do it to ‘hear’ from God.

But there may be things you can do to help your child catch. You may already recognise situations or environments where your child seems to catch from God, maybe when worship music is playing or in their prayer den. If that is the case, why not provide that environment regularly for them? Or you may know what helps them to settle and be attentive to what’s happening around them – might that help them hear God? There’s a lovely story here about a young man who to all intents and purposes was paying no attention to God at all, yet because he was settled he was able to hear God in a most profound way.

You could also experiment with multisensory ways for them to encounter God. In Love Surpassing Knowledge Naomi suggests things such as blowing bubbles to help children visualise the prayers they are creating; lying under a parachute to feel the breeze and asking God to breathe over us with his Spirit; being wrapped up in a cosy blanket to talk about God’s love and protection; walking out in the countryside and talking about what we see. Graphic bibles may help children hear from God, as can spaces for children to retreat to or use art materials as they listen to music.

How can I help my child know if it is God they are catching?

Discerning if what we’ve ‘caught’ is from God or not is something we want to encourage in our children. There’s a helpful article here on how to help your child discern, which may be useful depending on your child. You may not always know if what they’ve caught is from God, but if it feels like something God would say and it lines up with the Bible, you can encourage it in your child. You can also check in with God yourselves. We also have to trust God that he is good, and what he speaks to our child will be good.

What if my child can’t catch?

It isn’t uncommon for children or young people to struggle to catch, particularly when this is a new idea for them. This article may be useful.

Children or young people with autism may find it particularly hard to imagine communication with a being they can’t see or hear. A visual reminder of the different ways God speaks to us may be helpful. It may also be helpful to talk about all the different ways we communicate with each other, most of which aren’t verbal.

Some children may find they catch God’s communication more easily from reading or listening to the Bible. Here are some suggestions for how to do this. Something like the Ignatian Examen – a way of reflecting on your day and where God was in it – may be a helpful framework to help a child or young person as they chat and catch.

Some children and young people may find catching from God difficult if the room they are in is noisy or distracting, or they may need fidget toys or movement to help them focus. Ear defenders or a special place to go to catch may help. It may be that once their environment is right for them, catching becomes easier.